I Wanted You To Forget…

We all have problems. As a wise man once wrote, “We’d hardly be human if we didn’t.”

Our lives haven’t turned out the way we wanted them to, or we look at the state of the world with despair. Whether it’s wars, famine, greed, on going arguments, family issues, teenage angst, education collapse, the economy, or any other of a hundred concerns, we look out at our lives as being riddled and soaked with the stench of problems. Problems that dissolve our spirit to create, love, and enjoy ourselves. Issues that taint our view of possibility, and allow us to resign into a cave of cynical indifference.

I had reached the apex of my own cynical anger in my mid 20’s and decided that since life is such a joke, and nothing ultimately matters, I may as well go for broke and give my dreams all I have. I had nothing to lose because there was nothing to lose. I couldn’t fail, because winning was sort of an illusion anyway. I finally had my license to let go of everything and live for rock n roll like never before.

New York City had almost nothing of a rock scene at the time, and almost overnight it had one of it’s best. I was in a couple of bands, one of which gave me the life I had wanted for a long time. Our side of that bargain as a band was to give You the life you wanted for the 30 minutes we rocked the stage, and every minute in-between at parties, in the bars, and even online. We were committed to you forgetting about your problems. We were committed to the party. We were committed to rocking your ass off and giving you a reason to keep walking with swagger.

I still think that has value today.

The only part that has grown for me is that I see that my entire drive was fueled by a young, angry, psychotic rage that life was a fucking joke, and so we all may as well laugh. I was a pissed off romantic.

Everybody can use a break from their problems now & again. That’s fine.  What I did not know at the time was that I had something to contribute to major issues in life other than an awesome distraction. I had solutions. I had heart. Deep down I had a desire to make a difference and once I allowed myself to care (which is not fun, and therefore doesn’t happen often for us) I was moved into action beyond anything I had ever done in entertainment.

My counseling/coaching work, my writings, speaking engagements, charity events, fundraisers, and projects that I am designing have all come about to raise awareness rather than try to make you forget. I don’t raise awareness about problems.

I raise awareness about solutions. I raise awareness about possibilities. The kind that make a difference just by knowing of them.

If all of this is a bit abstract and vague, pardon me. I’m busting my ass studying for my last final exam in contemporary philosophy and the phenomenologists have not only gotten the best of me, they seem to have even messed with the analytics. If philosophers went to art school we’d soon watch a claymation MTV Celebrity Death Match between Heidegger and Wittgenstein.

The point is that I believed it was possible to live out my rock n roll dreams in a city that had abandoned such music. And then it happened.

Now I know it’s possible to make a difference in people’s lives, and our world is more tuned in to that idea than ever.  Are the state of affairs very inspiring? Maybe not. It sure as hell doesn’t look like things will just ‘work themselves out’ in a way we’ll all be thrilled with. No, today’s world calls for you and I to be on the ball. It says that we must completely give up on waiting for leaders to show up, and Be Leaders Ourselves.

I had elements of leadership when I played in bands, and that got a lot done. And it only happened because I was a part of a team. I saw them all as leaders in their own right.  I didn’t want to just be a rockstar. I wanted to be part of a constellation.

Today I’m clear that you and I are connecting the dots on the greatest constellation the Earth has ever seen.

Thank you for letting me remind you.


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